Obituary for Joseph Lucien "Joe" De Carvalho

Life Story for Joseph Lucien "Joe" De Carvalho

Joseph Lucien de Carvalho, the second of three children to John and Monica, was born at 11:11 AM on Saturday, 29 November 1975 at Eden Hospital in Hayward, CA. Growing up as the middle child, Joey was close with both his older brother, John Jr., and younger sister, Jeanine, during childhood. Despite being nearly two years his younger, Jeanine was Joey's voice. When they were young, Joey was shy around adults, and he would frequently whisper his thoughts for Jeanine to vocalize for him. Joey eventually overcame his shyness in adulthood, but more than occasionally, he would still get Jeanine to ask things for him, like asking the waiter for a fork or a soda. Although she might protest, Jeanine’s soft heart couldn’t resist her brother, and she would always comply. The brothers were always together as children, and during their adolescence, there wasn’t anyone who didn’t know Joe if they knew John, and vice versa.

The two most important people in Joe’s life were his parents, John and Monica. No child was ever more loved by their parents than Joe. John and Monica loved all their children equally, but Joe was a special boy. He was such a beautiful boy who grew to be a very handsome man. As a young boy, Joe was always by his Mum’s side, and he remained very, very close to his mother until his last day. As he grew older, he wanted to be just like his Dad. Joe and his father were very close, and during the past 15 years, Joe was always with his Dad, as they lived together until his passing.

We’re not exactly sure when Joey became Joe, but it was somewhere around 13-14 years old. Despite his physical maturing, Joe always had the ability relate to kids, and was frankly, more comfortable around children than adults. Kids connected with Joe because he was genuine, and when he needed to tell them something serious, he was direct and not harsh, which put them at ease. This was most evident with his nephews, younger cousins and little sister. Their eyes would light up when he was silly and make boring situations hilarious. Like when it’s bath time, they knew Joe was going to sing “IT’S TIME TO GET NUDIE!” at the top of his voice. If you ask any of Joe’s nephews about him, you’re sure to hear about a time they were laughing together. Joe loved Zach, X, A.J. and Johnny as his own sons. He got so excited and made a big deal about any of his nephews’ accomplishments, because it genuinely was a big deal to Joe, which made each of them feel great about themselves. All four boys love Joe immensely, and when they shared time together, all of their faces reflected the sound in their laughter, which was unmistakably pure joy.

Joe also had a special bond with his 10-year old sister, Jocelyn, whom he babysat frequently since she was a baby. While the circumstances accompanying the discovery of Jocelyn’s existence were difficult, Joe didn’t hesitate to love her. He wasn’t shy about introducing her to his friends, and play with their daughters. Joe and Jocelyn went to Disneyland and Las Vegas together. In Disneyland, Jocelyn recalls Joe hoisting her onto his shoulders to get a better view of the electric light parade going down Main Street USA. Although Vegas is an adults’ town, Joe made sure to spend time taking Jocelyn shopping and to see the sites around the city.
Joe was easy to like and love. Both his sister-in-law, Maria, and brother-in-law, Paul, loved and enjoyed Joe. Maria met Joe when he was still Joey, before he turned 13 years old, when she started dating John Jr. Maria knew if she started dating John, then Joe was part of the package. Joe would join them as the third wheel on several of their dates throughout the years. Joe loved Maria because she cared for him so much, and they connected by poking fun at their shared frustrations with John. Maria loved Joe because he made her comfortable and never complained when she asked him to do something. She was Joe’s “big” sister, only much smaller.

When Paul starting dating Jeanine, the two brothers had some suspicions about him, being that he was taller than both of them, and far better looking than one of them and modestly not as good looking as the other. Suspicions were quashed when it was Joe who convinced John that Paul really was a good guy and his intentions honorable. Joe and Paul also had similar golf games, highly erratic, with Joe’s being slightly more volatile ranging from really good to extremely poor. Paul and Joe also played poker together, and could be seen enjoying family events commiserating with one another in the corner. Over the years Joe expressed, more than once, how happy he was his sister and nephews had a good husband and father. Joe was not brother-in-law to both Maria and Paul, just brother.

Joe had great relationships with his cousins and was close with almost all. In Vancouver, he spent a lot of time with Ann-Marie, Isabel, Marc and Leigh. He chose his eldest cousin, Jaime, as his godfather at confirmation. Joe lived in the bay area with Risa and her family for some time which created a special bond with many relatives in California. However, the relationship with his cousin Marco was particularly close. Marco and Joe got into many interesting situations together over the years, several resulting in negative consequences for Joe’s brother John. For those who know, situations occurring at London Drugs, Fashion Island, the hill outside Jorge & Raquel’s house, Hillsdale Theatres and Marco’s neighbors fence are good examples. Joe’s & his siblings all were uncommonly close and had incredible friendships with their numerous cousins.

Over the years, the family house was frequented by many of Joe’s friends, but none more often than Clint Walker. Joe and Clint interacted like brothers, but you’d need to be blind to believe that because they looked nothing alike. And if you ever saw them play sports together, you’d think they hated each other by the way they yelled at one another, but don’t get between them because they protected and loved each other like brothers. Troy Merrifield is another of Joe’s closest friends. Joe respected Troy a great deal, but not because of Troy imposing stature, but rather for his integrity. Troy didn’t just go along with Joe, Troy wasn’t afraid to tell it to him straight, which meant he didn’t always agree with Joe. Joe spoke of Troy as one of few friends he could count on if he ever needed. The relationship Joe had with these two friends, in particular, had a lasting impact on the entire family. From crazy camping trips, racing golf carts to ridiculous trips to foreign places. He loved his friends for their ability to make bad situations better for him.

Many of Joe’s fondest memories included spending time with our extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins. We had many adventures together where Joe was usually involved in the highlight of the trip. He loved his family very much & we all loved him.

Despite the light Joe brought to our lives, he also lived with his difficulties. Joe had a warm heart for all his family but had many challenges in day to day living. This constant struggle made some relationships strained at times. The claws that continuously dragged Joe back were stronger than his families’ ability to beg him to avoid bad influences and temptation. This made Joe difficult to love at times when relationships were up and down.

When Joe was in a good space, we would sit and laugh for hours over dinner. He was well renowned for coming up with funny nicknames for his closest friends and family. When he called you by your nickname, you knew you were in for a good time. The nicknames he contrived never made you feel offended, but instead you felt loved.

Joe had a good heart without malice or contempt. If you knew Joe, you felt close to Joe. He was understanding of others, when it was him who needed greater understanding from others. He was a rascal and a joker. Joe left us on Monday, 18 September 2017 at 3:04AM in Richmond, B.C., but he will always be a beloved son, brother, grandson, uncle, nephew, cousin, and friend to all of us. Your mind is quiet now and you have peace, Joe. It is all of us left behind who suffer your loss. We love you and miss you so much.

In lieu of flowers, donations to a BC Children's Hospital in Joseph's name would be appreciated by the family. (http://bit.ly/2jZnEjt)